My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
