your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
