Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
My feet surprised me
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