My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
