He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
