hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
