I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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