white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
