How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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