Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Randomize
