also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
