but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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