we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
