I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
