That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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