I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
