i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
