when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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