so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
