Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
