I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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