I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
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