Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
