It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
one two three fourrrrnication!
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
