I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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