I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
