Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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