I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
