My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
