just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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