I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
