I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Randomize
