i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
