I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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