I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
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