I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I want to make a zoo with you.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
