Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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