bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
