I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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