tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
