I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
