this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
only if we run a train.
done.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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