this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
