great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
