I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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