her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
