living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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