He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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