He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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