I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
