You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
