Just cropdusted the office
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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