honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i just wanna soil my oats bro
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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